Sunday, November 16th, 2008
Sometimes reminders of Kevin come in strange forms.
This morning we were at Target. We were browsing through the Christmas section, which was unexpectedly emotional to begin with. Thoughts of our first Christmas without him are still kind of hard to deal with at this point.
We spotted an ornament that seemed like a perfect reminder of Kevin - a cow with angel wings. And the little red ornament that the cow is holding reminds me of a heart. It will definitely go on our tree this year, assuming we actually put ornaments up.
Emily asked “what’s wrong, mom?” as we were checking out. We were both trying to hide the tears in our eyes. Sometimes the reminders are especially poignant.
Friday, November 7th, 2008
Today would have been Kevin’s 3rd birthday. We wish we could have spent the day with him, celebrating and laughing and opening gifts. We missed him today.
I wonder what he would have been like, turning three. He surely would have been talking more and doing new things. I bet he would have been so excited for his birthday. Maybe his birthday list would have included cows and tractors and vacuums and other toys. We would have made a video of his past year and celebrated how great it was that he was growing into a strong boy and doing so well.
I remember at his first birthday, thinking how amazing it was that he was a year old. That he had survived all the initial challenges and beat all the odds. It was truly a landmark to us. Maybe things would be okay after all.
His second birthday was great in that it seemed entirely normal. He was a happy, growing boy who seemed healthy and smart and fun and full of life. I remember him having so much fun at his birthday party. He stood right in front of the screen as we played his second year video, dancing and bopping without even realizing that he was in front of everyone. He had a great time and enjoyed every minute of it. He ate his cake and laughed and loved seeing everyone.
Today was a little harder than most days just because our thoughts were on Kevin and it brought back memories and thoughts. But all in all, we did okay. We went to lunch and then we both got tattoos. Dawn’s is on her wrist and says “cow” in Japanese Kanji, while mine is on my shoulder and says “Kevin” in Japanese. These reminders of him will be with us for the rest of our lives, and it seemed fitting to get them on his birthday. We did some shopping the rest of the day and then spent the night at home.
Thank you for all your phone calls, emails, and cards reminding us that Kevin was in your thoughts as well.